Poker-face Parenting

Ok, so it's nearly been an eternity since I last posted on this blog, but no more!  I need an outlet for my ADD brain: )  All these wonderfully inspirational moments I give myself need to be put to words for clarification and removal from my ever flowing thoughts to make room for new ones, so here goes! *grin*

As a quick update, we now have 4 delightfully creative and active children, ages 7, 5, 3, and 1.5 years.  (boy, girl, boy, girl)  Yes, we are open to growing that number...I will write a future post about the highly inappropriate things strangers say to me regarding our family size, but for now...moving on.  My husband just got hired on full-time in our neighboring state, so we will be moving soon.  "Soon" meaning when we find a house, buy said house and head down to live in said house 2 hours from where we are currently living.  Yes, I have already started packing.  We moved twice in one year (Easter, then Christmas) two years ago...I have learned from my mistakes; )  In the meantime, we are homeschooling two of our four children, and I am now a full-time mother.  For a while I was apprenticing with a local midwife (about a year and a half), but with our ever growing family, I felt it was prudent to put that interest on hold for a few (or 10) years.

So, back to my cool idea:  I have been really trying to better myself as a parent.  All the yelling and nagging just wasn't working for me, but try as I may, I was stuck in a rut.  Until I came across an event called CelebrateCalm...a parenting talk that was happening at a local church.  "Calm Parenting," I thought, "Sounds like my dream come true!"  So off went my husband and I to this meeting.

It was great!  Lots of laughs and good information.  Since then, I have bought every cd and dvd that Kirk Martin has cut (check out CelebrateCalm.com) and it helped *a lot* but I still wasn't where I wanted to be...I was lacking this "calm" that was supposedly right in my grasp.  We did the 40 Calm Challenge with Kirk Martin.  Helped me immeasurably!  But I still needed more.  I was really broken in my thought-process, having been raised as an only child by a single mother and a father who was married and divorced nearly 3 times.  My parents are totally awesome, by the way, and if you asked me, I would happily tell you how wonderful my childhood was.  But the reality remains the same: I was an only child from a broken home.  And here I was with my husband trying to raise 4 children under the age of 7!  Not working well, let me tell you.  I was one stressed-out Mama.

Finally, the 111,243rd time I listened to one of Kirk Martin's cd's, I heard him make a book recommendation: "ScreamFree Parenting" by Hal Runkel.  So I immediately paused the cd and bought the book on Half.com: )

Let me just say, that book has rocked my world!  THAT was exactly what I needed to hear (or read).  His philosophy put me off a bit at first, but as with any advice, I took what was applicable and would work for our family and left what wouldn't.  Now if only I could convince my husband to read it; )  *wink, wink*

Anyway, so I've been practicing at this "being the calm, centered adult" for my kids for the past several months with many, many, MANY failures!  But all in all it gets exponentially better every single day!  I feel less stressed, more in control (of myself), and more calm on the inside.  Anxiety still creeps up, but I am able to push it aside and use my reasoning skills rather quickly.  Lately, I have been thinking of this as my "parenting Poker-face".  I may feel like screaming and yelling and throwing a huge fit at (or at least in front of) my child(ren), but instead of doing it, I just use my Poker-face long enough to sit down, or walk away, or come up with a response instead of a reaction.  On the outside it looks like, "Wow, you are so amazingly calm!", but on the inside it's something like this, "AHHH! ^%#&!#*@^$##%*...!"  See, "Poker-face": )

This has been a major breakthrough for me, so I wanted to share it with someone...anyone who might happen across this blog. 

"Unless someone like you cares a whole aweful lot, nothing is going to get better...it's not." -The Lorax by Dr. Seuss

It is our responsibility as parents to *model* appropriate behavior for our kids.  They learn more from watching us during our everyday lives and interactions than from 1,000+ words that we may say to them.

These resources, coupled with setting times throughout the day to pray (even if it's an "Our Father" on the go), has helped me become a better person, and, therefore, a better parent.  I think one reason God called me to the vocation of marriage and to have a large family is because that is how he has chosen to help me grow in holiness.  My husband and children can bring out ugliness in me that I didn't know was there!  Then once it is discovered, I can analyze it, deal with it and ask God to help me clean it out.  "Create in me a clean heart, O God, and put a new and right spirit within me," Psalm 51:10 (RSV).  I also have started praying more Novenas with praymorenovenas.com and this seems to help me stay focused on the bigger picture, instead of on my own drama.

Now, that previous paragraph got religious, I know.  If you are not religious, all the stuff prior to that will still help you a ton and they are neutral resources, religiously speaking.  But this is *my* blog, I'm Catholic, and I truly believe that the biggest part of my personal and parenting transformation has come from seeking God and His desires for my life.

Thanks for taking time to hang out with my ever-flowing thoughts: )  May the Peace of Christ be with you, always!